Nepal Post 1 (Travel)

I figured I would try to go through a bit of what we did and saw in Nepal. It will probably be a pretty lengthy few posts but I'll try to get through it all pretty quickly

Travel

We began our Journey on October 7th 2014 at DIA. The part of the group that was traveling together all met up before we went through security. Not the best picture but here is our wonderful group!

Our first leg of the flight was from Denver, CO to Newark, NJ. It was a fairly short flight in between lunch and dinner, and being the first leg we were all very excited to be off on our Journey together.

This is a view from the plane as we were flying into Newark. You can't see it unless you zoom the picture but the statue of liberty is right in front of the wing!

We had dinner in Newark as we waited for the long flight to begin. 14 Hours from Newark, NJ to New Dehli, India. Boarding the plane was a little scary because I had no Idea what I was in for with a 14 hour flight! It wasn't too bad, Honestly. Sleeping was fairly easy on the way there, There was enough room to get up and walk around the plane, and the kids sitting around was were all fairly quiet. Much different than our flight back from Germany!

This is a view on descent into New Dehli, India. I was in awe as I saw the nighttime views. Knowing we were in another country and wondering how things would be. We landed at 9pm-ish and had to spend the rest of the night in the airport until our flight to Kathmandu the next morning. The first two-ish hours were spent in customs making sure everything was in order with our passports and our bags. After that we went through security checkpoint to make it into the main terminal. Thankfully the airport was very posh. We were able to get food and do some shopping (they even had a Haggen Daas Ice cream place!) and all seemed well. After a couple more hours we went to the terminal to try to sleep and/or wait for the flight. Kevin and I crashed on the floor behind a row of chairs for about an hour or so....couldn't handle any more than that as the floor was not very comfy! FINALLY the next morning we took our flight to Kathmandu, eager for our adventures to start. After a bumpy landing we made it to the foreign terminal and were able to go through customs, get our visas, exchange money, and get the heck out of airports (at least for a day!).
I'll stop there for this entry and talk about our day in Kathmandu in the next.
TTFN

Out with the old, in with the new

It's startling how much things can change with a new year. If you think about it logically they really shouldn't. It's another day. A turning of a page on a calendar which is nothing more than a sheet of paper. So why is it that everything seems to shift every time a new year starts? Is it our intentions and goals that we set for ourself? Our expectations? Is it because our mindfulness changes? Do we just do this to ourselves when we really don't have to? God I hope so.

2014 was My year of Discovery, and it lived up to that goal. I discovered a lot about myself, my relationships, my wants and needs, my recovery, and a great deal of other things. All in all I think it turned out to be a pretty fantastic year for me.

2015 isn't starting out so hot. My year of Education. I deemed it that because I'm starting school again. I'm taking my last pre requisite this semester and then I start the vet tech program in the fall. I'm very excited about this. In deeming this my year of education I didn't think I would be prepared for all that meant. There have already been a lot of life lessons added to the equation that I wasn't prepared to be a part of the overall picture. I've had some rough, frustrating days lately, and I can totally see this as a part of my year of education. But I have dealt with those things pretty well thus far. That's been my lesson this month, I think. Shit happens, you can deal with it.

So to summarize, so far it's been trying, but not bad. I'll get the hang of this thing called living one of these days :)

TTFN

A tragic week

On Monday the entire world received the excruciating news that Robin Williams was dead. He committed suicide.
     It took me a couple of days to process this news. To go through the phases if you will. There was the shock, the disbelief, etc. Today I hit grief. I can't remember of another actor ever causing a response like this from me. Honestly I feel a little silly, crying over the death of someone I didn't even know personally.
     But then I think, maybe I did. Maybe everybody did. He was one of the most honest and human celebrities I've ever known of.  He was very open about the fact that he was human, both in his comedy and outside of it. He was bipolar, and he suffered from alcoholism. People say it amazes them that a man that so many people loved so much could be so depressed. That part of it surprises me the least. But why, if he was so open about his struggles, did this one still get him? That's what I have a hard time understanding.
     I have a very personal understanding of the place he was in. It is a feeling and mindset that anybody who has never been there cannot understand. It is a pain unlike any other pain. A loneliness and isolation you can't escape from. I've been in that place. Thank God I wasn't alone when I was.  I'm very sad that he was.
    I'm pretty sure that this was not his first fight with this demon. It's feels a little weird, but it gives me hope that he made it as long as he did, that he beat back the demon for as long as he did. It also scares me that he wasn't able to beat it this time. It makes me want to fight my own demon even harder. To try a little more.
     He has been called a comedic genius. I agree. I think he was a genius. Unfortunately genius seems to always come along with a host of other problems. You're just able to channel those problems to make something amazing come out of it. I think that's what he was able to do with his bipolar. He was able to channel the "mania" into the amazing comic that we all knew, and he was able to channel the dramatic roles from the other end of his bipolar spectrum.
     It makes me sad to know that such a great man's last moments consisted of such pain and depression and loneliness. It makes my heart hurt. I hope he is at peace now. He deserves it.

Rest In Peace Robin Williams

 I'm not sure if this link will work, but this is my favorite of his :)http://youtu.be/LSXMS8ABAAU

General Updates for 2014

     This year has been a hell of a ride. And the ride isn't going to stop any time soon. Here's a little about what's been going on.

     Jack is in kindergarten this year. We had to make a choice as to whether we would send him this year or next because he has a late August birthday and the cutoff is September 15th. Wading through the pro's and con's and all of the opinions of all of the people who have and have not had to make that choice is enough to make your head implode. I honestly don't wish that decision upon anybody. Maybe it's easier for some people than others, but that was definitely not the case for us. Alas we came to the decision that we would send him. He's done well. He still has issues with fine motor skills so writing is a struggle, but he is reading very well and mostly on track. I'm glad for that. He has grown so much this year socially and academically so I'm really glad we sent him for those reasons too. I don't think that would have happened had he been made to do another year of preschool. But on the other side he is very immature still. He has a hard time asking for help when he doesn't understand something, he can't sit still long enough to get everything done, and he's still slow when he does do his work. I know these are all things that will even out over time, but I hate seeing my baby struggle so that's been rough. All we can do now is see what happens with first grade.
     Riley is in 2nd grade. She tests in the 97th percentile and above on basically everything. The day I have dreaded came the other day. She finally told me that she is bored in school because things are too easy for her. She still handles it well but I fear that it will end up skewing her perception of school and she'll stop trying as hard. I know I have a while before that happens still but I want to do what I can to avoid it. Hopefully as she progresses to higher grades things will become more challenging. Thus far her only challenge has been handwriting, but she finally decided to take that challenge more seriously this year and has improved dramatically.
     Kevin is still at HP. He's constantly overwhelmed and stressed at work and it affects him. He tries his hardest not to bring it home and I am thankful for that, but I worry about him because there is only so much stress one can take and they just keep piling more on his plate. We will be married 10 years this June. I'm so thankful for him every day of my life. I probably don't show him enough how grateful I am for him. He has a goiter that is HUGE right on the left side of his thyroid. The Dr. has done multiple tests and it is benign, but it affects him, especially when he's sick. I think eventually he will get it removed. It might not happen this year because we had to go back to buying our own insurance, and thanks to certain laws enacted it's costing us a ton more than it ever has.
    What about me, you ask? where do I start?
I decided this year is going to be a year of adventure and discovery for me. I'm trying really hard to change my perspective of the things that happen in my life. Up till this point I've had a very black and white attitude about things. This year I'm giving things a chance before I decide, and deciding I don't have to be so decisive. It's been working well so far. Thanks to an amazing yoga teacher, I handled winter this year better than I have in years. I was able to let it be what it was and not be AS cranky about it. I started school in January. I've been taking Biology and Veterinary Medical Terminology for the past 5 months. I have enjoyed it SO much and done extremely well in both classes. I have to figure out a math class and then I can start the Vet Tech program. Both of the kids will be in school full time so I'm really looking forward to it.
The thing I'm the most excited about is that Kevin and I are taking a 2 week trip to Nepal this fall with an amazing group of conservationists. The group works with Rhino conservation. I'm so excited about this trip I can't see straight. We will get to take a plane ride up around Mt. Everest, visit Bardia National Park, Chitwan and Shivapuri also. We will get to go rafting, hiking, search for wild elephants and rhinos, and bathe the park elephants in the river. This is like a dream come true for me. We had our first meeting with the group the other night which just made it even more real for me. I tried indian food for the first time too. Most of it was good! I did NOT like the green stuff though!
     I'm mostly recovered from ED now. There aren't many times I even pay attention to it anymore. This week has been hard but I know it will pass and every day I feel more and more in tune with myself and what I really need. Body acceptance is still my biggest hurdle but even that is better than it has ever been so I'm in a good place and will keep working until I can call myself completely recovered!
     This week has been hard. I think it's mostly just because I'm hormonal but I feel really sad this week. It's extremely hard for me when I feel like this because I don't think anybody really understands my feelings and I end up feeling really isolated, and end up isolating myself even more. I know this about myself but it's something I need to work on more because I still always go with my normal coping mechanism of isolating myself and it's not good for me or anybody else.
I got another weim in November. His name is Achilles. He has issues, he's 5 years old, and I love him to death. I know we've had the other 2 for a long time and I love them both so much, but I feel a different sort of connection with Achilles. Maybe because he's not perfect. I guess I know what it's like for people to turn their back on you even though you can't help being how you are.
Anyways that's enough for now. I have to go volunteer at the school. Dave was supposed to come talk to Jacks class today but had to cancel because they moved his meeting with the WWF to today instead of tomorrow. I'm disappointed. I'm having a hard time dealing with that too because I'm already so sad and keep blaming myself and telling myself it's because of me. I need to stop it because it's not the truth. Shit happens. It's just another in a series of events that have not gone right this week. It's just my turn to have a week of Mondays. I just make it harder on myself by beating myself up. Ok I said I was stopping so I'm stopping now.
TTFN
Theresa

I got ditched......again......for the past two weeks in a row now......

It's not really a surprise to me. It's happened so often I honestly don't know why it even hurts me anymore. Or why I keep trying. I'm so tired of it all. I feel so isolated. Like I just don't belong anywhere, or with anybody.

I'm tired of trying. I really don't think I can do it anymore. I can't tell myself it's not me and I can't put myself out there. It hurts too much.

Guess I just need time to cry, and figure out how to move on from here with a new set of circumstances. oh well

For Tanja

I hadn't talked to you in a long time. You had gone your way and I had gone mine. Like everybody else when you slipped away, I thought it was me. I didn't try too hard for too long. I never do. So I hadn't talked to you in at least a year. But I feel like I still had a connection with you. The first time I met you in group I had you pegged. I knew EXACTLY who you were, because you were so much like me. Your emotions ruled you. We hung out from time to time after group and chatted about random things. I knew you struggled. I knew there was a layer beyond what you shared in group. But you seemed to be happier and doing well. You were working so hard to get your life in order and work out the kinks. I remember the last time I talked to you. You seemed like you were still in a good place. Neither one of us had been to group in a while, but you sounded content, and I was happy that you were doing well. Now here I am finding out that you had a downhill spiral that you couldn't recover from. It makes me sad to know that I didn't know. That I couldn't help. You always inspired me with your love of animals. I have the same love and I looked up to you for everything you did. The deep devotion that you had to your work. I hope I can carry on your legacy in some way. I'll devote myself in both of our names. The world was lucky to have known you Tanja Pliler. I hope you have found peace.

What is Beauty?

Ok, there is this whole thing going about the internets. A dove beauty ad that shows how distorted women's views of themselves are. They take women, introduce them to a stranger, then have both that woman and the stranger they met talk to a sketch artist and each create a sketch of that woman. It is supposed to show how hard women are on themselves. It's creating a lot of buzz. People either love it or they hate it. It's celebrated or looked upon with malice. I haven't seen it. I've read a few comments about it from the celebrators and the critics, and I wanted to give my two cents on the main idea of the ad. The question that has some people jumping for joy at this ad, while at the same time has other people groaning and rolling their eyes. What is beauty?

First, I want to look at what Miriam Webster has to say about beauty.
Miriam Webster's Dictionary defines beauty as:

1. the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit



Now, A lot of critics are saying how damaging this ad is because they are still focusing on outward appearance as the main focus of the experiment. As in Oh hey I thought I was a dog but I guess other people don't see me that way, I must judge myself too harshly. While really the point should be there is a lot more to me than my outer appearance. While I agree that there is a lot more to people than their appearance, I think appearance is important as well.

Think about this......How many times have you gone all out, gotten all dolled up, and felt horrible and worthless afterwards? I know every time I get dressed up and fancy(as long as it's not too far out of my comfort zone) it makes me feel pretty awesome. Yet when you frump around the house in oversized sweats and holy shirts, your chances of feeling bad about yourself increase significantly. I don't think this has a single thing to do with the way you look when you're dressed up, though. I think it has to do with caring for yourself.

When you love something and care for it, you keep it polished, and pretty. Wether it is your dog, a favorite trinket, or anything else that is special. Why should your own self be any different? When you spend time on yourself to groom yourself and look good it's a very human way to show yourself that you are special and loved.

So then the question becomes, do other peoples opinions of what you look like matter?

This is a tougher question for me to answer. I think for people with high enough self esteem the answer to this is obviously no. But for those with little to no self esteem, that deem themselves worthless, I think it's important for them to know how people really see them. Again the reasoning is not what it seems. It's not because it's important for them to know that others find them attractive. Not at all. What's important about it is that most people with these self esteem issues project their opinions of themselves onto other people. An" I feel this way about me so everybody else feels the same way about me too". I think it's important for them to see that this is not reality. When you start letting other people develop their own opinions about you, a lot of room is freed up for other things besides the worry of how horrible you look to other people. It's pretty freeing.



So while I think what dove did is actually really awesome, I don't think they made the message clear enough. I think it does, to most people, feel like more of a - you're more beautiful than you think you are - than an - other people don't see me the same way I see myself - sort of thing. I think it was a good try, and I hope they keep trying because we really need more people to get these messages out to help combat all the you're not good enough, buy our stuff to be better crap we get flung at us from all directions all the time.

I know I'm still working on it myself, but I hope so much that someday we can change these stigmas of thin=beautiful and you have to be popular and have designer clothes and a clear face and a huge house and the best stuff to be loved. Because just being the happiest, best you, is the most beautiful thing in the world, at least to me :)
TTFN