I just had a conversation with someone I used to know that I really didn't think even remember I existed at all. This has me thinking. Of what I'm not yet sure....I guess that's why I'm here.

Ok I need to start by explaining that I am an extremely and deeply emotional person. If you know of the enneagram personality types I am a 4. What that means is everything is ruled by my emotions. Logic is an extremely difficult concept for me and I find it hard to understand how people make decisions NOT based on how they FEEL about something.

That said, The people in my life are very dear to me. Both past and present, wether or not the ones in the past are still in my life or not. The person that I talked to this evening was a person I knew in high school. Granted I did not know him very well. We did not hang out a lot and I'm pretty sure we never had a very deep conversation about anything. He was not exactly the most serious person in the world and so was not taken very seriously by others around ME. But I saw something in him that I can't really put into words. Something a lot deeper than he ever showed on the outside. I felt like I understood him on the inside I guess. Therefore he left a very deep and lasting impact on me.

But like I said, even though he left an impact on me, I didn't think he even remembered I existed until tonight. And it's left me wondering about the impact I have, and have had, on other peoples lives. I wonder is it really just my lack of self-esteem that tells me I have nothing to leave others with? But seriously I wonder why people like him even remember me. I was just a passing blip in their lives that came and went without a second thought. Or so I believed. But just the fact that this one person remembered me.....and said hello....and had a conversation with me.......just turns it all upside down. I am just so amazed by it. I dunno.

I read an article today by Jenni Schaefer about Eating Disorder recovery that gives some good insight to just how hard and long a process recovery really is. I am one year in and still dancing with ED. It is such an exhausting dance. Anyways I kinda wanted to share it just because I think people will benifit from the information. So I posted it as a seperate blog entry. Jenni Schaefer is an amazing person. She inspires me. This article I think more than anything I have read of hers thus far gives me SO much hope.

Well that's about all I have for now. I am going to go downstairs and ponder self esteem and life and relationships while I try to go to sleep. It's a good thing I see my counselor tomorrow!
TTFN