Bittersweet

The end of summer is already upon us. It is a bittersweet ending for me. Summer is my favorite time of year. I love being able to go outside whenever I want and not freezing my butt off. The official end of summer is still a month out and the weather is already considerably cooler. I don't feel ready to let go of my hot summer months yet. On the other hand fall is a wonderful time of year. We have so much to look forward to. Riley is going to be starting her second year of preschool. Jack is going to be starting his own class called curious two's. It's an hour away from mom and dad twice a week. We are planning a lot to do around the house before winter. But it's still SO hard to let go of the weather. I'm not ready for the cold of winter, but I can't wait for the holidays. I feel like such a mess!

On another note Jack is almost two years old. I can't believe it has already been that long since my baby boy was born. I feel like I am losing the baby years, and this is another very bittersweet time for me.

I love my little boy. I love the person he is becoming. He is already potty training, he is smart, and very very VERY strong willed. But I miss my baby. He was my last baby. I am mostly certain there will not be another one. Our family is complete. And I feel an empty space that there will not be any more babies to grow in my belly, meet for the first time, and stay up late at night feeding. I know it sounds crazy that I actually enjoyed that stuff, but there is nothing like being half awake, cuddling with your little one, rocking and feeding them, and feeling that warm little bundle in your arms. Knowing that they depend on you for everything they need, and you love them so much that you don't think twice about doing it. I can't wait to seem him grow and see the person he becomes. But I don't want to let go of my baby.

And speaking of babies I was looking at pictures of Riley as a baby last night. Sometimes it's already hard for me to think back to how small she was. She is already halfway to 5 years old. These past 4 and a half years have gone by SO fast. And I guess it doesn't help that for most of it I have been battling my own demons which just takes more time away. She is SUCH an amazing, awesome, and frustrating little girl! She isn't even in her second year of preschool yet and she is already a pretty proficient reader. She is the most loving and forgiving little soul I have ever met in my life. The other day we got to go shopping together, just the two of us, and we both had such a great time. Sometimes I miss having just her all to myself, so those moments help a lot.....and I definitely need to remember to get more of them in. She is growing up way too fast. They both are.

Now it is time to go and get the most out of the next month that I possibly can. The kids and I are going to squeeze the life out of the end of summer and enjoy every single moment.

TTFN