On Monday the entire world received the excruciating news that Robin Williams was dead. He committed suicide.
It took me a couple of days to process this news. To go through the phases if you will. There was the shock, the disbelief, etc. Today I hit grief. I can't remember of another actor ever causing a response like this from me. Honestly I feel a little silly, crying over the death of someone I didn't even know personally.
But then I think, maybe I did. Maybe everybody did. He was one of the most honest and human celebrities I've ever known of. He was very open about the fact that he was human, both in his comedy and outside of it. He was bipolar, and he suffered from alcoholism. People say it amazes them that a man that so many people loved so much could be so depressed. That part of it surprises me the least. But why, if he was so open about his struggles, did this one still get him? That's what I have a hard time understanding.
I have a very personal understanding of the place he was in. It is a feeling and mindset that anybody who has never been there cannot understand. It is a pain unlike any other pain. A loneliness and isolation you can't escape from. I've been in that place. Thank God I wasn't alone when I was. I'm very sad that he was.
I'm pretty sure that this was not his first fight with this demon. It's feels a little weird, but it gives me hope that he made it as long as he did, that he beat back the demon for as long as he did. It also scares me that he wasn't able to beat it this time. It makes me want to fight my own demon even harder. To try a little more.
He has been called a comedic genius. I agree. I think he was a genius. Unfortunately genius seems to always come along with a host of other problems. You're just able to channel those problems to make something amazing come out of it. I think that's what he was able to do with his bipolar. He was able to channel the "mania" into the amazing comic that we all knew, and he was able to channel the dramatic roles from the other end of his bipolar spectrum.
It makes me sad to know that such a great man's last moments consisted of such pain and depression and loneliness. It makes my heart hurt. I hope he is at peace now. He deserves it.
Rest In Peace Robin Williams
I'm not sure if this link will work, but this is my favorite of his :)http://youtu.be/LSXMS8ABAAU
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
General Updates for 2014
This year has been a hell of a ride. And the ride isn't going to stop any time soon. Here's a little about what's been going on.
Jack is in kindergarten this year. We had to make a choice as to whether we would send him this year or next because he has a late August birthday and the cutoff is September 15th. Wading through the pro's and con's and all of the opinions of all of the people who have and have not had to make that choice is enough to make your head implode. I honestly don't wish that decision upon anybody. Maybe it's easier for some people than others, but that was definitely not the case for us. Alas we came to the decision that we would send him. He's done well. He still has issues with fine motor skills so writing is a struggle, but he is reading very well and mostly on track. I'm glad for that. He has grown so much this year socially and academically so I'm really glad we sent him for those reasons too. I don't think that would have happened had he been made to do another year of preschool. But on the other side he is very immature still. He has a hard time asking for help when he doesn't understand something, he can't sit still long enough to get everything done, and he's still slow when he does do his work. I know these are all things that will even out over time, but I hate seeing my baby struggle so that's been rough. All we can do now is see what happens with first grade.
Riley is in 2nd grade. She tests in the 97th percentile and above on basically everything. The day I have dreaded came the other day. She finally told me that she is bored in school because things are too easy for her. She still handles it well but I fear that it will end up skewing her perception of school and she'll stop trying as hard. I know I have a while before that happens still but I want to do what I can to avoid it. Hopefully as she progresses to higher grades things will become more challenging. Thus far her only challenge has been handwriting, but she finally decided to take that challenge more seriously this year and has improved dramatically.
Kevin is still at HP. He's constantly overwhelmed and stressed at work and it affects him. He tries his hardest not to bring it home and I am thankful for that, but I worry about him because there is only so much stress one can take and they just keep piling more on his plate. We will be married 10 years this June. I'm so thankful for him every day of my life. I probably don't show him enough how grateful I am for him. He has a goiter that is HUGE right on the left side of his thyroid. The Dr. has done multiple tests and it is benign, but it affects him, especially when he's sick. I think eventually he will get it removed. It might not happen this year because we had to go back to buying our own insurance, and thanks to certain laws enacted it's costing us a ton more than it ever has.
What about me, you ask? where do I start?
I decided this year is going to be a year of adventure and discovery for me. I'm trying really hard to change my perspective of the things that happen in my life. Up till this point I've had a very black and white attitude about things. This year I'm giving things a chance before I decide, and deciding I don't have to be so decisive. It's been working well so far. Thanks to an amazing yoga teacher, I handled winter this year better than I have in years. I was able to let it be what it was and not be AS cranky about it. I started school in January. I've been taking Biology and Veterinary Medical Terminology for the past 5 months. I have enjoyed it SO much and done extremely well in both classes. I have to figure out a math class and then I can start the Vet Tech program. Both of the kids will be in school full time so I'm really looking forward to it.
The thing I'm the most excited about is that Kevin and I are taking a 2 week trip to Nepal this fall with an amazing group of conservationists. The group works with Rhino conservation. I'm so excited about this trip I can't see straight. We will get to take a plane ride up around Mt. Everest, visit Bardia National Park, Chitwan and Shivapuri also. We will get to go rafting, hiking, search for wild elephants and rhinos, and bathe the park elephants in the river. This is like a dream come true for me. We had our first meeting with the group the other night which just made it even more real for me. I tried indian food for the first time too. Most of it was good! I did NOT like the green stuff though!
I'm mostly recovered from ED now. There aren't many times I even pay attention to it anymore. This week has been hard but I know it will pass and every day I feel more and more in tune with myself and what I really need. Body acceptance is still my biggest hurdle but even that is better than it has ever been so I'm in a good place and will keep working until I can call myself completely recovered!
This week has been hard. I think it's mostly just because I'm hormonal but I feel really sad this week. It's extremely hard for me when I feel like this because I don't think anybody really understands my feelings and I end up feeling really isolated, and end up isolating myself even more. I know this about myself but it's something I need to work on more because I still always go with my normal coping mechanism of isolating myself and it's not good for me or anybody else.
I got another weim in November. His name is Achilles. He has issues, he's 5 years old, and I love him to death. I know we've had the other 2 for a long time and I love them both so much, but I feel a different sort of connection with Achilles. Maybe because he's not perfect. I guess I know what it's like for people to turn their back on you even though you can't help being how you are.
Anyways that's enough for now. I have to go volunteer at the school. Dave was supposed to come talk to Jacks class today but had to cancel because they moved his meeting with the WWF to today instead of tomorrow. I'm disappointed. I'm having a hard time dealing with that too because I'm already so sad and keep blaming myself and telling myself it's because of me. I need to stop it because it's not the truth. Shit happens. It's just another in a series of events that have not gone right this week. It's just my turn to have a week of Mondays. I just make it harder on myself by beating myself up. Ok I said I was stopping so I'm stopping now.
TTFN
Theresa
Jack is in kindergarten this year. We had to make a choice as to whether we would send him this year or next because he has a late August birthday and the cutoff is September 15th. Wading through the pro's and con's and all of the opinions of all of the people who have and have not had to make that choice is enough to make your head implode. I honestly don't wish that decision upon anybody. Maybe it's easier for some people than others, but that was definitely not the case for us. Alas we came to the decision that we would send him. He's done well. He still has issues with fine motor skills so writing is a struggle, but he is reading very well and mostly on track. I'm glad for that. He has grown so much this year socially and academically so I'm really glad we sent him for those reasons too. I don't think that would have happened had he been made to do another year of preschool. But on the other side he is very immature still. He has a hard time asking for help when he doesn't understand something, he can't sit still long enough to get everything done, and he's still slow when he does do his work. I know these are all things that will even out over time, but I hate seeing my baby struggle so that's been rough. All we can do now is see what happens with first grade.
Riley is in 2nd grade. She tests in the 97th percentile and above on basically everything. The day I have dreaded came the other day. She finally told me that she is bored in school because things are too easy for her. She still handles it well but I fear that it will end up skewing her perception of school and she'll stop trying as hard. I know I have a while before that happens still but I want to do what I can to avoid it. Hopefully as she progresses to higher grades things will become more challenging. Thus far her only challenge has been handwriting, but she finally decided to take that challenge more seriously this year and has improved dramatically.
Kevin is still at HP. He's constantly overwhelmed and stressed at work and it affects him. He tries his hardest not to bring it home and I am thankful for that, but I worry about him because there is only so much stress one can take and they just keep piling more on his plate. We will be married 10 years this June. I'm so thankful for him every day of my life. I probably don't show him enough how grateful I am for him. He has a goiter that is HUGE right on the left side of his thyroid. The Dr. has done multiple tests and it is benign, but it affects him, especially when he's sick. I think eventually he will get it removed. It might not happen this year because we had to go back to buying our own insurance, and thanks to certain laws enacted it's costing us a ton more than it ever has.
What about me, you ask? where do I start?
I decided this year is going to be a year of adventure and discovery for me. I'm trying really hard to change my perspective of the things that happen in my life. Up till this point I've had a very black and white attitude about things. This year I'm giving things a chance before I decide, and deciding I don't have to be so decisive. It's been working well so far. Thanks to an amazing yoga teacher, I handled winter this year better than I have in years. I was able to let it be what it was and not be AS cranky about it. I started school in January. I've been taking Biology and Veterinary Medical Terminology for the past 5 months. I have enjoyed it SO much and done extremely well in both classes. I have to figure out a math class and then I can start the Vet Tech program. Both of the kids will be in school full time so I'm really looking forward to it.
The thing I'm the most excited about is that Kevin and I are taking a 2 week trip to Nepal this fall with an amazing group of conservationists. The group works with Rhino conservation. I'm so excited about this trip I can't see straight. We will get to take a plane ride up around Mt. Everest, visit Bardia National Park, Chitwan and Shivapuri also. We will get to go rafting, hiking, search for wild elephants and rhinos, and bathe the park elephants in the river. This is like a dream come true for me. We had our first meeting with the group the other night which just made it even more real for me. I tried indian food for the first time too. Most of it was good! I did NOT like the green stuff though!
I'm mostly recovered from ED now. There aren't many times I even pay attention to it anymore. This week has been hard but I know it will pass and every day I feel more and more in tune with myself and what I really need. Body acceptance is still my biggest hurdle but even that is better than it has ever been so I'm in a good place and will keep working until I can call myself completely recovered!
This week has been hard. I think it's mostly just because I'm hormonal but I feel really sad this week. It's extremely hard for me when I feel like this because I don't think anybody really understands my feelings and I end up feeling really isolated, and end up isolating myself even more. I know this about myself but it's something I need to work on more because I still always go with my normal coping mechanism of isolating myself and it's not good for me or anybody else.
I got another weim in November. His name is Achilles. He has issues, he's 5 years old, and I love him to death. I know we've had the other 2 for a long time and I love them both so much, but I feel a different sort of connection with Achilles. Maybe because he's not perfect. I guess I know what it's like for people to turn their back on you even though you can't help being how you are.
Anyways that's enough for now. I have to go volunteer at the school. Dave was supposed to come talk to Jacks class today but had to cancel because they moved his meeting with the WWF to today instead of tomorrow. I'm disappointed. I'm having a hard time dealing with that too because I'm already so sad and keep blaming myself and telling myself it's because of me. I need to stop it because it's not the truth. Shit happens. It's just another in a series of events that have not gone right this week. It's just my turn to have a week of Mondays. I just make it harder on myself by beating myself up. Ok I said I was stopping so I'm stopping now.
TTFN
Theresa
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