Education (a really long winded and weird post)

My math isn't the greatest, but I think it was somewhere around the '95-'96 school year that I started middle school. My middle school was a 2 year track 7th/8th grade. When I started my 7th grade year I had no idea of the roller coaster I was in for. I had a really hard time adjusting and began experiencing what I now know to be an epic depression that I am still fighting to this day. My grades dropped, I became bitchy and distant, and this eventually led to me giving up on school all together and dropping out of high school. The question I have is how did it happen and how could it have happened differently? I will not ask who is to blame as I believe blame is trivial and stupid and no one entity is ever entirely at fault for anything. So how did it happen? Well, It happened because even though I was having issues that were entirely beyond my reach I never really talked to anybody about them and they kept festering. I had a couple of teachers that really reached out to me and tried SO hard to help. They asked what would work for me, listened, and really did everything they could to help me succeed. And those strategies worked....for those couple of classes. Unfortunately by this point in education you have a lot more than a couple of classes to contend with, and the teachers never really talked amongst each other to try to band together to help me. Is this their job? I'm not sure. Would it have helped me? Most likely, yes. Is this the only way it could have happened differently? No. There are a lot of things I think of looking back. Getting into counseling sooner to deal with the depression would have, but I don't blame my parents, I don't think they even knew at this point that depression was the problem. I never told them that I was teased for so many years through elementary school, either. This might have been part of the reason the depression started in the first place. But I was too embarrassed to say anything. My lack of organization has always been an issue in in too, and I could have asked for more help with this. I didn't because I didn't realize it was ok to ask for help and not look like a total loser.

I am sitting here pondering these things because my daughter is going to start kindergarten next year and I am so scared of history repeating itself I can't see straight. She's in preschool right now and I can't even watch her play on the playground because it's too painful for me to look back and see myself out there, sitting alone on the monkey bars, sad and lonely. I don't think she is, but there have been a couple of times I have seen her out there playing by herself and I just lose it. I want to run out there and be with her and help her, even though it's me, not her, that needs it.

I've also been examining my beliefs about our public school system. I don't think it's fair to completely lay blame on the schools for producing only a 30-40% success rate, but I don't think it's fair to not blame them at all either. There are specific things that I really don't like about public education right now. One of them is teachers unions. I think they have absolutely no good reason to be there at all and I think it's hurting academics due to their ideals of all teachers having equality. All teachers are not equal and should not be treated as such. Another thing that I think is really crappy right now is that they just go in there and teach whatever they want to with no regard of what the kid has or has not already learned. Completely scattered academics. People need to build upon what has already been taught, this is why I am such a fan of the core knowledge curriculum. Also the decision not to hold kids back a grade that are obviously not ready to move on just because it will embarrass them. I don't agree and even if all of their friends are in a higher grade what does it matter if it will benefit them in the end. And the earlier you do it the more in stride they will be able to take it.

I also think that it's a problem that parents are not more involved with schools. Education is not a one sided, go to school and learn it, type of deal. Parents have to learn and know how to assist in the education of their kids. It's not just somewhere they send them for the day so someone else can watch them. The reason they're going there is important, and I think a lot more parents need to treat it as such. But I also think that they need to be more involved IN the schools. I know this is not easy because a lot of parents work full time and can't get the time off to do a lot. But there has to be some way for more parents to help and be involved, and I don't think the schools put it out there enough that they need or want that either. Parents need to be more involved on the boards and be able to put their opinions out there too ( I personally don't think unions let that happen much, though.)

So for these reasons, and by the Grace of God that we were actually drawn in the lottery, My kids are going to one of the local Charter Schools that offers a core knowledge curriculum, emphasizes classical education, and character education as well. I know not all charter schools are good, but I truly believe this one is. I also know that just having charter schools is not the answer to a broken system, but for me right now it's all I've got. I hope beyond all hopes that this works out well for us, that my kids thrive and learn and succeed, and are not bullied or made to feel worthless. In the meantime I know what I have to do. I need to figure out how to stop feeling worthless myself. I've done it for so long now it's all I know, and it's easy to do. But I really believe now that my kids deserve more..........and so do I. I just don't know where to start.

TTFN